Domestic Violence
“Do not let anyone or anything dictate your self-worth. You deserve better than that.”– Reshma Nair
Is this domestic violence, or am I over-reacting?
Am I over-reacting? It takes two to make a fight, right?
I know he’s under a lot of stress; he works hard, so I need to cut him some slack. He’s a super loving guy.
Maybe his mother was abusive, he had a crazy ex, or doesn’t trust women anymore.
I don’t understand why we keep getting into these arguments, but they turn ugly.
It’s confusing! – I don’t know what happened. What did I do or say that could have set him off like that?
Nothing seems to work.
I feel like disappearing sometimes.
It feels like I must shut myself down to avoid conflict.
He says I’m stupid and that no one would want me, so I’m lucky to have him.
I’m so confused!
No one understands.
I’ve tried to talk with my friends, but they don’t get it and say that I am over-reacting.
My parents are of no help. They say I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it.
He’s told you if you tell anyone – well, you know what he means. And anyway, when the cops come to your door, they ask you what you did to provoke him!
The culture of silence and denial creates an atmosphere that makes it hard to speak up, be heard, and get justice.
It’s about Power and Control.
What is domestic violence, and how do you recognize it? We know about physical abuse, and so many of us have said, “I’d leave if he laid a hand on me!” Only we didn’t leave.
Why didn’t we? Usually, it’s because we’ve been conditioned through emotional abuse to take it and believe we have no choice.
Emotional and verbal abuse by an abuser is the same tactics used in wartime brainwashing.
Abuse comes in many forms.
There’s a good chance he’s already raped you or had sex with you when you didn’t want it – that’s rape. It’s about the fact that he’s bigger and stronger. Do you have a choice?
You may have lost your job because of his problems, and now you must rely on him for everything. Or he takes your hard-earned money and spends it on whatever he wants. We call this financial abuse.
Don’t forget that he can keep tabs on you through your phone. Digital abuse is blowing up your phone, ghosting you, checking your phone for any messages or calls, or calling you on whose posts you’ve liked on Facebook or Instagram.
It gets worse; he might stalk you – showing up at the store, your work, the gym. Suddenly, he’s there. Or you notice signs he’s messed with your car or left things for you to find around your house.
“Domestic violence is an abuse of power. It is the domination, coercion, intimidation and victimization of one person by another through physical, sexual or emotional means within intimate relationships.”– Danielle Mazza
Signs You’re Experiencing Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is hard to figure out. Take some time to notice how you’re feeling. Our intuition or inner wisdom lets us know through emotions what’s occurring.
Are you experiencing low self-confidence/poor self-image, dependent or withdrawn, anxious or depressed, and detached?
Maybe you are having a hard time trusting and feel fearful on the one hand and over-compliant and hyper-vigilant on the other, waiting for the other shoe to drop (walking on eggshells) – hmm, these are good signs.
You feel easily frustrated, worried all the time, but don’t know why or suddenly feel compelled to do something out of the ordinary – something impulsive.
Do you notice any of these telltale signs? If so, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.
Think safety first!
Whatever you notice about your relationship or situation, the most crucial consideration is your safety.
Make a safety plan, no matter whether you stay or go!
If you want out or you’ve had enough, make sure you put safety first
.
I’ll help you make sure you don’t forget any details and connect you with helpful resources.
You’re out – now what?
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”– Socrates
I can help with rebuilding.
Many of my clients have left an abusive relationship. The problem is that it’s not that easy to rebuild your life, confidence, and self-esteem.
Building a new life and creating the loving relationships you want and deserve can seem like an unattainable dream. In fact, in terms of this relationship stuff, you consistently find the same type of jerk every time!
It takes time to rebuild self-esteem – you didn’t lose it overnight!
By using techniques I’ve developed working in battered women’s shelters as a therapist and Clinical Director, I will support you to make the changes you want with safe, nonjudgmental, and affirming methods.
Let’s take that journey together.
Please know that I believe in you so you can believe in yourself!
You have inner wisdom, a deep intuition, and a sensitivity that will direct you to your real purpose, meaning, and true journey in this life.
I’ll help you explore your inner landscape to discover the strength and purpose waiting for you.
You can move through the trauma triggers into peace and hope.
Your truth is waiting for you!
“Listen to your own voice, your own soul, too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves.Deep inside you know what you want, let no one decide for you.”– Anonymous
Now is a good time to get grounded and breathe.
Click on the button to schedule a free consultation with me